The Seven Ways I Cry
by The Steppy One
Summary: Seven chapter fic. Hermione looks back at the seven ways she has cried throughout her life.
1. Chapter 1 On the Shoulder of a Friend

**Hello again fanfic-ers! As promised at the end of Losing Sight of a Falling Star, here is 'The Seven Way I Cry'.**

**It's a seven chapter fic (!) from Hermione's point of view. The fic has been written, just has to be beta-ed.**

**I won't say much more, but please let me know what you think. **

**Cheers, Sarah XxXxX ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, spells or place names in this fic, they all belong to J K Rowling. I'm just playing with them for mine and the entertainment of others.**

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**The Seven Way I Cry**

**by The Steppy One**

Chapter 1 – On the shoulder of a friend

It was on that day I realised my life would take a different course to the one I had been planning for six years. That day I really cried for the first time. It wasn't dramatic; it wasn't over-the-top, it was just crying like I had any other time. But it was what was going on inside my mind and my heart that made it different.

The emotion that was held in those tears was so strong that it scared me. There I was, sat on a simple chair out in the Hogwarts grounds having just watched the funeral of the wizard we held so much respect for. We didn't know anyone who could have the same impact on us as he did. My best friends' world, and mine, had been turned on its head.

Dumbledore was just one of those people who you instantly respected. Just his presence in a room was enough to quieten those who were in it, but he held a warmth that filled everyone, and he had a spark that showed he was as powerful as he was fair.

I spent the last ten minutes of the funeral being held by Ron, his strong, comforting arms holding me as I cried into his shoulder, soaking his school robes through to his skin, but he didn't care. He knew I needed someone to hold me and to silently let me know I wasn't alone in being scared for Harry, and the quest he now had to face, without the help and support of the person who had become more of a father figure to him than anyone had before.

When Ron had finally let me go I sat up and looked at him and felt something twinge inside me that I had never felt before. It was as I looked at his profile, his jaw set so he couldn't open his mouth to let any stray sobs escape, his eyes red from crying and his cheeks glistening from the tears he had yet to wipe from his face, that I knew it was time I should swallow my pride and fear of rejection, and tell him I was starting to feel more for him than I had felt before.

The past hour had shown me life could be unbelievably cruel, and didn't wait for people to say what they should. With this in mind I pulled Ron's arm back as we walked back up to the school. Harry and Ginny were walking solemnly away from us as I turned to him.

'What is it Hermione?' he asked me softly.

I could see the concern filling his eyes as he looked at me. I tried to pull off a smile to show him there was nothing to worry about. I thought I saw him relax slightly.

'I just need to tell you something…'

'What is it? There's nothing wrong is there. I mean…apart from…' he waved his hand, gesturing at everyone and everything around us.

'No there's nothing else wrong, apart from…' I copied his hand movement and he raised half a smile. 'I just want you to do something for me when I come to the Burrow for the wedding.'

'Er, okay. What do you want me to do?'

'I just want you to remind me to tell you something. Not as soon as I arrive, let me step through the door before you do…but still…I need to tell you something, and this way…I know you'll make me tell you. Is that okay?' I looked at the floor, unable to meet his eye. Just thinking about what I wanted to tell him made me blush.

'Yeah…that's fine, I'll remember to ask you. But…but why can't you tell me now?'

'It's not an appropriate time, you'll understand why when I tell you. Just please don't forget,' I replied with a small smile.

He smiled, 'I won't, I promise.'

I think what I did next took him slightly by surprise. I took the half pace between us and pulled him into a hug. It was a second before I felt his arms wrap around me but when he did I smiled into his shoulder. I pulled back quite quickly so to not embarrass him more than was absolutely necessary.

We started following the crowd moving towards the school and the tears started falling from my eyes as they had done so earlier. I could feel Ron's gaze on me as he walked next to me. He shortened his stride so it was the same as mine and with his left arm he pulled me next to him and supported me as we continued walking. I put my arm around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder once again.

We grew up so much that day. It was in those few hours that we realised we were on our own in the big bad world. About to step outside our bubble of school life, and without the protection we had become dependent on since we first stepped through the huge wooden doors.

It was a day that changed everything, and it was a day that was to start our toughest journey, but I believed that what would happen was meant to be and there was no point in trying to stop it or fight it.

That was the first way I cried – On the shoulder of a friend.

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	2. Chapter 2 In the Arms of a Lover

**Hello again. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, it really means a lot :D**

**Here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. Let me know what you think.**

**Oo, I'm off to London on wednesday, and I won't be back until the following tuesday so I won't be updating until then. For me that's a _long_ time! Don't worry though, after that I won't keep you waiting :D**

**Sarah XxXxX ;)**

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Chapter 2 – In the arms of a lover

It was five months into our quest to find the remaining Horcruxes, and the three of us were back at Grimmauld place. It wasn't where we wanted to be, we had had to go back there, the three of us had been hurt whilst retrieving the first Horcrux we had found, which had turned out to be Hufflepuff's cup. I wish I could say it was skill and intelligence that had made us find it, but it wasn't. We had literally stumbled upon it.

Harry had decided that it might help us if we went to look at the house Voldemort's father had lived in before his son had killed him. Whilst Ron was sceptical that Voldemort would hide something like that in the place he had resided during our fourth year, whilst awaiting Harry's arrival at the nearby graveyard, Harry realised that we couldn't second-guess anything when it came to Voldemort.

I was curled up in bed coming out of my potion-induced enchanted sleep when I started to cry. Instead of being open about it I tried to hide it, I stuffed the quilt in my mouth to muffle the sound of my sobbing and pulled the pillow over my head, I'm not sure what I thought it would achieve, but it seemed like a good thing to do at the time.

I was falling back to the place in my mind I had been taken to in the hidden room Harry had discovered in the house. Ron had said it reminded him of the Chamber of Secrets – a room only penetrable by Parseltongue and entered by a tunnel, which went deep under the house. I had gone to peer down the tunnel but had been struck by a force so powerful it knocked me off my feet and sent me into the wall, but that wasn't what bothered me, I was in excruciating pain, I thought for a second I had been hit by the Cruciatus curse but then I could think no more as I writhed on the floor, the pain consuming every fibre of my being.

I heard voices in my head, every bad thing that had ever happened to me came flooding back to me, but it felt ten times worse. If I had been able to think I would have noticed the tears escaping my eyes, as it was, the pain was all consuming so I could think of nothing.

Ron entered my bedroom and hurried over to my bedside when he saw me trying to disappear under the covers and the pillow.

'Hermione what's wrong?' he asked, the panic obvious in his voice.

I tightened my grip on the pillow and clamped it over my ears, trying to drown out his voice. Ron took hold of my hand and tried to lessen my hold on the pillow.

'Hermione stop fighting me, let go, I'm here; I'll make things better. I promise I will, just let go.'

I had refused to let go but Ron managed to prize my fingers out of the grip I had and threw the pillow on the floor. He pulled the quilt away from my face and brushed the hair out of my eyes.

'Hermione please, tell me what's wrong. I can't fix it unless you tell me what's the matter. _Please_.'

He had managed to grab both of my hands even though I had tried to pull away from his grip, I struggled against him for a minute but then I had looked at him and I couldn't tear my eyes away from his. This was probably the best thing I could do. Something in my subconscious mind told me the eyes that I was looking at were ones to be trusted, instantly my breathing slowed a little and I stopped trying to pull away from Ron.

'Hermione say something, anything. Just tell me what to do.'

'R…Ron?' I managed to choke out as I started to think a little clearer, the horrors in my mind's eye slowly leaving me.

'I'm here my darling, I'm here,' he said, not taking his eyes off mine.

I calmed down quickly, knowing nothing would happen whilst Ron was next to me. He perched on the edge of the bed and took his hand off mine and started to stroke my cheek with his thumb.

Before I realised what I was doing I had sat up and thrown my arms around his neck, clinging on as if for my life. His hand went around my back holding me to him with the comfort and strength he always did. I started to sob.

'Hermione, you need to lie down, you're not well enough to be sat up. Please, for me.'

I made a sound, which I meant to be a 'no' but came out as a muffled squeak. Ron, however, interpreted my protest correctly.

'I'm not going anywhere Hermione, I'll be right next to you the whole time. I'm not letting go of you, okay? Just lie down for me, please.'

I took in a deep shuddering breath and pulled away from him ever so slightly.

'Promise?' I whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear.

'I promise, I'll stay here for as long as you need.'

I pulled away from him fully but took his hand in mine. I laid back down not letting go of his hand. He kicked his shoes off and they landed haphazardly on the floor. He climbed onto the bed behind me and got under the covers, he slid his arm under my neck and put his arm across my waist. I turned towards him and wrapped my arm around him pulling him as close to me as was physically possible.

'Ron…I…I was back in that room…I was-'

'Hermione, if you don't want to go through this again, I'll understand, I don't need an explanation. Just try and relax, close your eyes and relax. I'm here now; nothing's going to happen to you. He moved his arm up my back and to the bottom of my neck. He started stroking the skin just below my hairline, something he knew comforted me. He kissed my forehead and I raised my head to him. I looked deep into his eyes, the blue colour calming me deeply.

'I love you Hermione, so much, just remember that. Any time you're lonely, or any time you're sad, just remember that I love you and that you're the most important person to me in the entire world.' He kissed my nose, but I didn't take my eyes off his.

'I love you too Ron, will you be with me forever? Will you promise?'

I now know I should never have asked him to answer that, with everything that was going on, it was unfair to say the least. He must have known there was a chance he wouldn't be able to keep his promise, but he said what I needed to hear, as he always did. Anything to make me feel better.

'Forever Hermione, I promise.'

That was the second way I cried – In the arms of a lover.

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	3. Chapter 3 In My Sleep

**Hi all! Sorry I've kept you waiting, but I have been away in London since last Wednesday. If you want to read bout what happened on my travels and about what I overheard some woman say about the Party at the Palace and Rupert Grint then you can check out my blog link in my profile!**

**This chapter is a bit sadder than the others...someone dies...thought I'd better warn you before you all start shouting at me, but to be fair the story is a sad one, the title kind of gives that away! But on a happier note the next chapter isn't really sad coughs calm before the storm coughs**

**Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

**Step ;)**

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Chapter 3 – In my sleep

A year after we set off for Godric's Hollow, we got some devastating news. Tonks had been killed by a group of Death Eaters at the house her and Remus had only just moved in to. When Hedwig found us we knew that the news was not good. She was only to be used when we _had_ to be found, for news of the worst kind, as she could easily have been followed. Initial annoyance subsided, however, when we read the note she had carried hundreds of miles to deliver to us.

We instantly apparated back to Grimmauld place with Hedwig swaying dangerously on Harry's shoulder. What met us when we walked through the door was quiet but ever present sobbing. Tears formed in my eyes instantly and Ron subconsciously took my hand in his. I followed Harry through to the kitchen, leading Ron down the narrow hallway.

When I entered the room I saw Molly holding onto Ginny as if her life depended on it. Ginny had grown taller since the last time I saw her and was looking as beautiful as ever, even though her eyes were red and slightly puffy. She too was crying but with a bit more control than Molly. Arthur was stood at the far end of the room, and was leant over the kitchen sink holding onto the side for support. Finally my eyes rested on Remus who was paler than I had ever seen anyone to be. When he turned to look at Harry he started to cry. Harry pulled him up from his seat and hugged him. Remus held onto Harry and started to sob loudly into his shoulder.

On hearing Remus, Molly and Ginny looked up, wondering where the noise was coming from. They spotted Ron and me and hurried over to us, enveloping us in hugs like Harry had with Remus. Molly nearly suffocated Ron, but he didn't seem to mind, he just held her and tried awkwardly to comfort her. I pulled back from Ginny and I looked her in the eye, she blinked trying to rid her eyes of her tears and looked back at me, a questioning and confused look filling her face. I knew the question she wanted to ask me so I answered before she had time to ask.

'I don't know Ginny; I don't know why it had to happen to her. It's not fair, nothing's fair any more.'

On my words she started to cry again, and the small amount of composure I had manage to gather crumbled instantly. I pulled her towards me and tried to comfort her again. I looked over her shoulder and saw Remus pull away from Harry and walk to the other end of the room, nearer to Arthur but still stood away from him, as if trying to avoid any human contact. Harry turned to look at me, silently asking what he could do to help the only person left associated with his parents, the person who had tried to fill Sirius's shoes when he'd died. I had no words for him; I was as clueless as he was.

Ginny looked up at me, I stepped back from her slightly.

'You've grown,' I whispered. It was such a trivial thing to say but it seemed to diffuse some of the tension. Ginny smiled.

'Either that or you've shrunk!' she replied, glad of the change of subject. Our smiles soon faded however, when Molly released Ron and pulled me into a hug. She'd never really stopped crying, but when she hugged me she started again which in turn set me off. Ron watched me hug his mum; he put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze trying to give his own comfort.

He moved his hand and automatically traced the scar I had managed to acquire across my left cheek. It wasn't gained in a spectacular way, I had just walked past a particularly ferocious branch of a tree in the dark and one of the spines had dug deep into my cheek. I'd ignored it at the time, not realising quite how deep it had gone, and it was only when Ron looked at me when we had finally been able to light our wands, and gasped loudly that I realised how much blood had escaped from it and covered most of the left side of my face.

I'm not really sure what happened the rest of that night. It was late when we arrived, and quite a few members of the Order passed through the house to see if the news they'd heard was true, and to offer their condolences to Remus. Eventually at about three in the morning we went to bed. The thought to go back to our business crossed mine, Ron's and Harry's mind, but we decided we could do with a good night's sleep, and none of us wanted to leave the house.

Harry went into the room he and Ron had shared the previous times they had stayed at the house. Ron and I went up to the room the twins used. I saw Ginny slip into Harry's room before I went up to the next floor. I was glad she had, they both needed to be comforted in a time like this, and they would probably help each other sleep. That was what I was hoping Ron would help me do.

We changed into the spare night things that we always kept at Grimmauld Place in case of impromptu arrivals just like this one. We got into bed and held onto each other as if our lives depended on it. A tear crossed the bridge of Ron's nose as he lay opposite me; I freed my hand from his and wiped it off before it dropped onto the pillow.

'I'd tell you not to cry, but I think I'm about to start,' I said and sure enough, as soon as the words had left my mouth tears filled my eyes. Ron mirrored my actions as one escaped, and wiped it off with the corner of the quilt.

He tried to say something but I guess he couldn't find the words he wanted to say. I stopped him as he tried for the second time.

'Shh, let's just try and sleep okay? We could do with some, I don't know how long it's been since we slept in a comfortable bed.'

He managed to raise half a smile.

'I love you,' I whispered.

'I love you too,' he managed to reply.

We both shut our eyes and not too long after fell asleep.

If I thought that was the end of my crying that night I was wrong, I dreamed of Tonks and everyone else we had lost in the fight so far. In every case we had heard detailed reports of how they had died, and those images filled my dreams. I'd never before cried in my sleep, but the death of another close friend had that effect. I woke up several times that night and found my face wet with tears, some I remembered crying, others I didn't. Occasionally I looked over at Ron, and saw he was doing the same. I tried to wipe them away without waking him, and I succeeded.

I closed my eyes again and tried to think about the happier times we'd had, the adventures we'd had at school, but because more than one of them involved Voldemort my mind kept coming back to Tonks and the cycle would start over again.

That was the third way I cried – In my sleep.


	4. Chapter 4 With Happines, so Long Overdue

**Well, I thought I'd be unbelievably nice and update again, I suppose I really should wait considering this is a short fic, but there's still three more chapters after this and I'm sure I had withdrawal syptoms when I couldn't update this past week, so I thought I'd treat myself! As you can see by the title this one is a bit more optimistic! Please please please tell me what you think, this whole fic is kind of different for me, writing wise,so feedback is very much appreciated. :D**

**Hope you like it. **

**Sarah XxXxX ;)**

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Chapter 4 – With happiness, so long overdue 

I couldn't believe what I was seeing; I knew this day would come eventually, but for some reason I hadn't prepared myself for the reality of Harry coming face to face with Voldemort, and duelling with him to the death. I ran forwards towards them having just stunned one of the many Death Eaters who had tried to kill me that night. Somehow I had got lucky, it was as if I'd taken some Felix Felicis before the battle started. But now I was running, running towards Harry and Voldemort. I heard Ron screaming at me, telling me not to go near them. I heard heavy footsteps behind me and then I felt someone grab my arms and pull me back. I turned round and it was Ron, he was glaring at me and ignoring the blood pouring down the side of his face from a cut across his eyebrow.

'_Not without me_!' he shouted over the din around us, 'we _promised_ each other, any stupid decisions we took, we took them _together_! You're not going over there alone! _You promised_! _I promised_!'

'I _know_ we did-'

'Well come on then, _Harry needs us_!'

He grabbed my hand and we started running towards the two wizards who had managed to move a long way from us in the time Ron and I had been talking. We stopped dead, however, when Harry finally shot the killing curse at Voldemort, we were only feet from him when the green light illuminated everything around us. But something was different from what we were both expecting. The light was still connecting Harry's wand to Voldemort's chest, as if trying to break through a barrier the older wizard had put up. The effort was draining Harry and in a split second I locked eyes with Ron and we understood each other perfectly. We both stepped forward so we were level with Harry and shouted the curse neither of us thought we would ever have to use.

'_Avada Kedavra!_'

Green light shot out of the ends of both our wands and connected with Voldemort. Without thinking I grabbed onto Harry shoulder, something was pulling me towards him. I saw out of the corner of my eye Ron do the same on his other side. The same force that was pulling me to Harry was pulling my wand towards his, I couldn't take my hand off the wood but the tip of my wand was being forced towards Harry's. When we talked about it later, Ron told me his wand was doing exactly the same.

When the three tips touched a surge went through us all. I felt all the love I held for Harry and Ron course through me, and it gave me the strength I needed to carry on. A voice inside my head told me to say the curse again, on the count of three. I didn't know the voice but I knew to trust it. _One – Two – Three_.

'_Avada Kedavra!_'

Harry and Ron had shouted the curse at the same time. A pulse surged along the wide beam that connected our wands with Voldemort, and as it hit him the light left our wands and travelled at speed towards him. He crumpled to the ground and a split second later the three of us did the same. Ron and me still holding on to Harry as we had done for the last ten seconds.

I raised my head and looked at the fallen body of the most evil wizard I would likely ever lay eyes on. I turned to look at Harry whose eyes were where mine had been seconds earlier, and then I looked at Ron who turned his face towards me and wore the same expression I did; one of hope and of not having a clue what had just happened.

'Is he…is he dead?' Ron asked.

'I er…I think he might just be,' Harry replied.

'Maybe we should…maybe we should just check to be sure.' I said. Harry stood up and Ron and I followed, we had yet to release our grip on him. Slowly the three of us walked forward, stumbling slightly as we found our feet again and walked right up to the twisted from of our enemy. I looked at the snakelike face and saw an expression of fear etched upon it. This more than anything else told me he was dead, it was if he knew what was happening to him and he couldn't stop it. His worst fear was coming true; he was facing death with no way back.

'We did it!' I whispered.

'Bloody hell!' Ron said, and it was this that started me smiling. I knew there and then it was over. Everything we had done had been worthwhile; Lord Voldemort was dead.

I was soon brought back to reality, however, when a spell shot past my left ear. The three of us turned quickly to see two Death Eaters running towards us. They were too close for us to even raise our wands but it seemed we weren't what they were interested in. They ran past us and stopped when they saw the fallen form of their Lord on the floor. Harry raised his wand, very late it had to be said, but before he could say anything the two Death Eaters had turned on the spot and disapparated.

The next few minutes were the strangest of my life, I could see duels still going on between Aurors and Death Eaters, the three of us shot the occasional spell at the duelling Death Eaters and they fell to the ground. It was only minutes later that there were only Aurors still standing, the Death Eaters either unconscious on the floor or having disapparated when they realised their Lord was no longer alive. I can only imagine their dark mark either burned so badly they knew he was gone, or faded completely telling them the same thing.

Aurors surrounded Harry asking him question upon question before realising it was over. I turned to Ron and he was wearing the biggest smile I had seen him wear in a long time. I mirrored the smile and tears formed in my eyes, but for the first time in months they were tears of joy, tears of relief, and tears of elation. Ron threw his arms around me and picked me up. He spun me round so fast we nearly ended up in a heap on the floor. We wouldn't have minded if we had, at that moment we didn't care about anything.

When we apparated back to Grimmauld place the happiness that filled the house almost made it feel welcoming. I found myself crying the whole night through but I didn't care, I could cry like that for eternity if it meant I felt the happiness I did that night. Yes we had lost people, but in some way we felt their presence that night. Whether it was beside us as we fought in our duels or whether it was in the house as we celebrated with the ones we loved. We felt them there, smiling down on us and sharing in our happiness.

I pulled Ron aside as the laughter showed no signs of dying down.

'I'm sorry I nearly left you as I made my stupid decision. There was just something inside me that knew I had to get to Harry.'

'I know there was. I felt it too. If you're lucky I'll forgive you.'

'Oh you will, will you?' I replied, a cheeky grin spreading across my face.

'Well, only if you'll say you'll marry me.'

I stared at him, not knowing if he had meant to say what had just fallen out of his mouth.

'Do…Do you mean that?' I asked, trying to read him and failing miserably.

'Of course I mean it. It came to me at the stupidest time. It was when-'

'Our wands were connected together.' I finished for him. Apparently it wasn't just me that felt something.

'Yeah…yeah it was. You felt it to?'

'I felt my love for Harry and you run through me and give me the strength to use the curse again.'

'Oh yeah, and what type of love for Harry would that be?' he asked, trying to be serious, but he failed, the corner of his mouth twitched into a smile.

'That would be the love I feel for him as a _best friend_ Ron, as you know full well!'

'I know, I felt it too. I love him like a brother. That will never change,' his face turned slightly serious. 'So, what was the love you felt for me as we faced possible death?'

I looked into his bright blue eyes and got lost in them for a moment before I composed myself.

'I felt the love that a girl feels for a boy, when they are so deeply in love with them, that they would be honoured to become their wife, and officially become a Weasley!'

His face split into a smile and I saw his eyes glisten. That was enough to set me off crying yet again. He kissed me and I was in heaven. Tears fell from my eyes and mixed with Ron's as our cheeks touched. I had never felt so happy in my life.

That was the fourth way I cried – With happiness, so long overdue.

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	5. Chapter 5 Uncontrollably

**...er...hmm...yeah...I think I'll leave my Author's Note 'til the end...**

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Chapter 5 – Uncontrollably with so much pain 

Nearly six years had passed since Voldemort had been defeated and it was coming up to our five-year wedding anniversary. Getting married was the one thing I hadn't taken my time over. We wanted to do it as soon as possible as we had seen first hand how cruel life could be and we didn't want to wait a second longer than we had to.

To celebrate our five years of marriage we had gone out to the new and very expensive restaurant in Diagon Alley. We hadn't been before; we thought we'd wait for this special day for our first visit.

We dressed up and left our house at quarter past seven and apparated to the restaurant. When we arrived it took my breath away, it was extremely contemporary inside, and didn't match that décor that the front had been decorated with. (We found out during our meal that the Ministry had had many complaints about the shiny silver signs, as they didn't fit in with the rest of the street, and, living up to their image of being fussy and not subject to change, they made the owners tone it down. A lot.)

We took our seats and were waited on like we had never known. We indulged greatly, ordering Champaign and the most expensive meals on the menu. Two hours later we left the restaurant, slightly giggly from the Champaign but still very much in control of ourselves. Ron stopped walking and because I was arm in arm with him I stopped too.

'Ron why have we stopped?' I asked, looking up at him.

'I just wanted to tell you how much I love you.'

'Oh, well in that case I understand perfectly. I love you too.'

He smiled, then leaned forwards and kissed me, a little more enthusiastically than I would normally let him in public when it was still light outside, but this time I didn't care. Not one bit.

He pulled back and looked at me, he opened his mouth to say something but then stopped and looked at his shoes.

'What is it?' I asked him.

He looked at me, a thoughtful look on his face.

'You know…you know when we were talking the other night about our kids and what we hoped they would get from each of us?'

I smiled, relieved it was nothing serious.

'Yes, I remember. I said I hoped they'd have your hair type, but you wanted it my colour, although I said I liked your colour. You said you wanted them to be a bookworm like me, but I said I wanted them to have your laid back approach to life, and you finally said that you wanted them to have my eyes.'

'Exactly, sounds perfect to me. Well I was thinking…'

He fell silent, trying to get his words right.

'I was thinking, if you wanted to, we could start…trying.'

'Trying what?'

He laughed, 'you know for someone so intelligent you say the silliest things some times! _Try for a baby_, Hermione.'

I stared at him, in the same way I had when he had proposed to me.

'Do you think we're ready to have children?'

'Yes I do, I can't think of anything that would make me happier. We've been married for five years, I love you with all my heart, and if I'm not mistaken you feel the same way about me-'

'You know I do-'

'So then, I think we're ready. And even if we're not, you'll find a book that'll help us out!'

I laughed and he beamed at me.

'Well then, I suppose that settles things. We are trying for a baby!'

He pulled me into a hug and lifted me off the floor. I laughed into his shoulder, loving the way I felt when he did that. He put me down and took my hand in his, automatically we intertwined our fingers like we had done hundreds of times before and started walking down the street.

He pulled me towards him and wrapped his arm around my waist.

'Do you want to go for a drink at the Leaky Cauldron or do you want to go home?' I asked him.

He leant towards me and whispered in my ear, 'how about we go home and start our 'trying'?'

I giggled as he pulled me tighter towards him. I turned to him and smiled when I saw the cheeky grin on his face. He pulled me into a hug.

'Well they say practice makes perfect don't they?' I replied.

'Oh yes they do, and who are we to-'

I waited a couple of seconds for him to finish his sentence. When he didn't, I turned my face towards him, my head still resting on his shoulder.

'Ron, why have you stopped talking to me?' I asked with a giggle.

I shifted my weight onto my left foot and felt something was wrong, Ron wasn't supporting my weight anymore; I was holding him up. I stumbled as his full weight fell on me. Somehow I managed to get him to the ground without letting him fall. Something inside me was squirming, I knew something was wrong, I just didn't know what. My brain went into overdrive.

'Ron, Ron what's wrong? Open you eyes for me darling, I know you can hear me. Just open your eyes.'

If I had looked properly and not presumed his eyes were closed I would have seen they were open, staring blankly at the sky above him. Relief went through me when I saw his eyes were open and I put my hand to his face, expecting him to blink or move in any way.

'Ron, say something.'

I looked at him properly for the first time and an unbelievable fear coursed through me. I leant forward and looked into his eyes. Thinking back about it, I knew there and then he was no longer with me. There was no life in them; the spark had gone.

'RON!'

People had started to walk towards me, I heard voices around us asking what was wrong but I ignored them all. I started to cry not wanting to contemplate what was staring me straight in the face.

'RON! NO! WAKE UP. RON WAKE UP.'

I had never felt pain like this. My heart had just shattered into a thousand pieces and I knew I would never feel whole again.

There was movement around me as everyone realised what had happened. For some reason I raised my head and looked into the shadows of the shop front directly in front of me, tears streaming down my face. There was a figure standing there, the hood of his cloak only covering half of his face, showing only a smirk. I knew there and then that Ron was dead and I knew who had killed him.

It was then that I screamed, I screamed into the night as I clung on to Ron's hand, never wanting to let go. I collapsed on to his fallen body and wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could, the sobs that escaped my mouth were horrendous to listen to but I was oblivious. My mind was numb to anything but the pain I was feeling. I was shaking uncontrollably and still crying and sobbing like I never had before. I was laying on the body of my husband, the man I had pledged to share my life with, till death do us part. I screamed louder when those words filled my mind, and carried on screaming for what felt like hours.

A few minutes later I hadn't moved and I hadn't stopped screaming, crying and sobbing. I felt two hands grab my shoulders and heard my name being said close to me. The person was trying to pull me away from Ron but I wouldn't let them. I struggled away from their grip and threw myself back on to Ron.

'Hermione, it's Harry, _please_ let go of him. You have to come away now, we have to move him,' he whispered in my ear.

'NO!' I shouted, 'I WON'T leave him, I _can't_ leave him!'

My voice was hoarse from the constant screaming but I didn't even notice.

'Hermione look at me, _look at me_!'

Reluctantly I turned my head towards Harry and I saw his glistening eyes. This more than anything made the situation as real as my understanding could handle. Seeing the pain in Harry's eyes showed me this was real.

'Hermione we have to move him, he can't stay here.'

'He's…he's…d…d…dead H…Harry, why is he d…dead Harry? He was p…perfect!' I dissolved into tears again and fell forwards onto Harry. He took the opportunity to move me away from Ron. He picked me up and carried me like a child and I clung on to him like a child would to a parent.

My sobs echoed through the street. Had I looked up I would have seen Arthur cover his son's body with his own cloak and conjure a stretcher to put him on. I would also have seen the many witches and wizards surrounding us, some of them crying, others removing their hats as a mark of respect. But I was oblivious to it all, clinging onto Harry and not understanding any of what had just happened. Harry carried me through the group of people and then apparated from the street.

We reappeared at the Burrow, but I still had no idea of my surroundings, I refused to open my eyes thinking if I kept them closed, everything would be different and it would all have been a terrible dream.

Harry walked through the door and silently shook his head at the few Weasleys who were stood waiting for news. On his actions Molly burst into tears, in a similar way I had, and Ginny broke down too. Fred, George and Bill stood and stared at each other. Harry walked through to the lounge and laid me down on the sofa. I refused to let go of him, and when I felt him pull back slightly my eyes snapped open and I stared at him.

'Don't leave me!' I choked out.

'I'm not going anywhere Hermione, I'm staying here with you,' he replied quietly.

I let go of his neck and curled up into a ball on the sofa, my muscles aching from all the crying but it was nothing to the pain I felt in my heart. I was alone. Ron had been stolen from me and I was never getting him back. I would never hear him say he loved me, never hold him in my arms again and never see that beaming smile he gave me that filled me with so much love and happiness. I wanted to die right there and then so I could be with him and see him again. I was willing my body to shut down so I could escape into the bliss that was being with Ron for eternity. But it didn't. I just sobbed continually until the small hours of the morning.

That was the fifth way I cried – Uncontrollably with so much pain.

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**Ok, ok, ok, I know I killed him and I'm _really really _sorry. But I did give you a bit of warning, I said that the last chapter was the calm before the storm, plus it is in the Angst/TRAGEDY category...(sighs at lame attempt to calm the readers!)**

**Believe me it was the hardest thing to write. It took me four attempts, I kept chickening out and writing Losing Sight instead! Please don't shout at me, in a nasty way anyway :S**

**But I would really like to know what you think, I've never really written pain like that before so I'd like to know if you thought it was too much, not enough, just right.**

**Again, very sorry...Two left!**

**Goes and hides in the corner...and builds a brick wall to hide behind.**

**Sarah XxXxX ;)**

**OH! big thumbs up and praise to my Beta - RainbowKissed .cutehelenjames. Should have acknowledged her before now. Cheers mate :D**


	6. Chapter 6 Unbelievably Silent

**Hello!**

**Thanks for all the quality constructive reviews people, well helpful, marvelous, love to you all! Here's the next installment. I'm not sure about the whole wizards and religion thing. That could be quite interesting if we ever find that out! Anyway I've used a church for the funeral, not that it's a major point...anyway.**

**Again let me know what you think...One to go!**

**Sarah XxXxX ;)**

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Chapter 6 – Unbelievably silent 

The funeral was arranged for the 8th of July, exactly a week after Ron had died. The days that led up to the funeral went in a blur; looking back I couldn't tell you what happened, I have the odd flash of a memory but nothing solid. What I do remember is coming across to other people as incredibly calm and with an air of coping marvellously, whilst other people broke down on a regular basis.

We had lost people in the war, of course we had, and their deaths were horrendous to live through, but in some way they were easier to accept because we had been in the middle of a very nasty and bloody war. Ron's death was shocking and caused a huge amount of unrest throughout the wizarding population because the war was long finished. He had been murdered in cold blood.

The day after he died Remus had come to see me. I was lying in bed at the Burrow, having been put there by Harry after I fell asleep out of exhaustion. When Remus arrived he refused to leave until he had spoken to me.

When he walked into the room I was awake and staring at the ceiling, tears were streaming down my face but I made no attempt to stop them or wipe them away. He sat on the edge of my bed and took my hand in his.

'Hermione, I…I know you don't want to hear any of what I'm about to say at the minute. When I lost Nymph-…Tonks, I didn't want to hear any of it either, but I now understand why people said it to me.'

I wasn't really listening, but I knew he was there and some of the words were registering somewhere in my brain.

'I know you are in so much pain right now and you can't even begin to imagine how you're even going to get out of this bed, never mind get on with your life, but you will do. When you're ready you will do and that's the start of the next chapter in your life. You have no idea what that'll be at the minute, and that scares you. No one who has been affected by this knows, but there _will_ be a next chapter.'

He stopped to compose himself. When he fell silent I found myself turning my head an inch so I could look at him. His eyes were glistening with tears and he was looking out the window that was giving light and warmth to the small room, as if trying to gain strength from the sunlight.

'Hermione, if you ever want to talk, I'm here, I know exactly how you're feeling, and as much as it's hard to understand, I'm living proof that life goes on. It's been seven years since I lost her and I still think about her every single day, but when I do, I see her smiling and laughing, I remember her the way she would want to be remembered, and every day I smile because of her. I know that's what she wants wherever she is. You _will_ get through this. I promise you that.'

He moved to stand up but I grabbed hold of his hand before he moved it. He stopped and sat back down not saying a word, just waiting for me to.

'We were going to start a family. We had just decided. There was going to be me and him and a child. Our child. A child we would love everyday and get to watch growing up. He was going to teach them to play Quidditch and I was going to make sure they did well at school when they went to Hogwarts. He wanted three children and when they were all grown up and making us the proudest parents in the world we were going to grow old together. It might not have been perfect, it might have been hard, but we wanted it so much.'

Somehow through the tears that were still falling from my eyes my voice had stayed steady throughout my revelation.

Remus looked at me, I don't think he knew what to say, but I could see he felt like he needed to say something.

'Hermione this is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to go through, but there are people who will be right next to you every step of the way. You won't go through this alone, and eventually, I don't know when, you will wake up one morning and instead of crying or being angry, you will smile when you remember him and the times you had together.'

He stood and when I didn't make any attempts to make him stay he left, closing the door quietly behind him.

The morning of the funeral came and it was the first morning I had woken up without crying as soon as I opened my eyes.

When we arrived at the church I watched as Bill, Charlie, Fred, George, Percy and Harry carried the coffin into the church. I followed, Ginny holding on to my arm as we walked. Arthur and Molly followed us, Arthur whispering words of comfort to Molly who was quietly sobbing into her handkerchief.

The ceremony went as smoothly as could be expected. George said a few words on behalf of the Weasley brothers, and Ginny said a few on behalf of herself, Molly and Arthur. Lastly Harry got up and started his speech. As much as I had listened to the others and had felt the pain in the words spoken by George and Ginny, it wasn't until Harry spoke that I started to cry. He talked about their first meeting on the train to Hogwarts and how a bushy haired know-it-all had come bustling into their carriage interrupting their very important conversation. I smiled through my tears, but only for a second.

Harry had asked if I wanted him to say a few words from me, I had said he could say what he wanted because I knew whatever he said would be right. He spoke about Ron in the way he deserved to be spoken about, like a hero, like a brother, like a best friend and like the best husband in the world.

As he talked tears continued to fall down my face and onto my hands, which were linked and lying in my lap. When he finished, the coffin was taken into the graveyard and he was buried alongside the other members of the Weasley family that had been laid to rest.

His wake was held at the Burrow, but I didn't spend much time inside with everyone who had come to celebrate Ron's life. I walked through the garden and up the hill we had scrambled up the day we went to the Quidditch World Cup. It was in the small wood at the top of the hill that Ron had proposed to me. It was a warm day and first he had shown me something he had carved into one of the trees when we had first officially started seeing each other – namely the day of Bill and Fleur's wedding. He had scratched a heart into the bark and put our initials inside it. As much as it was cliché I didn't care, I loved the gesture and I loved him.

I found the tree and sat down under it. As much as I tried not to I cried yet again, the same way I had since the day Ron died, silently, with no sobbing, just tears falling from my eyes. I sat under the tree for what must have been over an hour before going back to the Burrow.

As I walked down the hill I remembered what Remus had said, whether I liked it or not this was the next chapter in my life. The first chapter without Ron and without the plans we had dreamed about together. From that day on when I cried about Ron I cried in the same way.

That was the sixth way I cried – Unbelievably silent.

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**Review, Review, Review :D**


	7. Chapter 7 Unknown to the World

**Well, here's the final installment for your perusal. Thank you for reading it, I hope you enjoyed it, I enjoyed writing it, and thank you to those of you who took the time to review. All of them are much appreciated. **

**Well, that's all for this one. Cheers again :D**

**Sarah XxXxX ;)**

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Chapter 7 – Unknown to the world

In those first few weeks after Ron died I tried to envisage a life without him, but as hard as I tried I couldn't. I was given extended paid compassionate leave from work, which didn't really help matters much as I then had hours with nothing to do; there is only so much housework you can do before there really is nothing else that needs cleaning. I tried to read some of my favourite classic muggle novels but I found that every few pages my eyes glazed over and I relived the night Ron died over and over in my head.

I had plenty of visitors, Harry had practically moved in, as had Ginny. They felt it was up to them to make sure I was all right, and for the first week I was back at home, they took it in turns to stay the night so I would have someone to talk to if I wanted or needed to. I didn't though, I didn't want to talk to anyone, and I didn't want to do anything. I lost a stone in weight, not that I was particularly bothered, eating was the last thing on my mind, but Harry and Ginny had taken getting me to eat upon themselves too, and it was just easier to eat than to argue. For the first few weeks though I couldn't eat a great deal without bringing it back up. It wasn't pleasant, if there's one thing I hate, it's being sick. I hated it as a child, and I still hate it now.

Two months later and I seemed, to everyone else, to be getting on with things. I was back at work and glad of the distraction for eight hours of the day, nine or ten if I didn't leave when I was supposed to. It didn't bother me though, anything was better than going home to an empty house.

My friends around me were happier now that I had put the weight I lost back on, I was slightly bothered that I had put more on than I had lost to start with, but that really was the least of my worries.

Three years later and I look back upon that time wondering what would have happened if I hadn't made the discovery I did. Weeks and weeks after the funeral I found a battered old shoebox in the cupboard where Ron kept his pride and joy, his mark two Firebolt. I had put off clearing out that cupboard for as long as I could, but eventually I felt drawn towards it, knowing that the only things of Ron I had left where in that cupboard.

After tentatively peering on shelves, not wanting to disturb anything, I opened the shoebox and at the bottom I found a piece of parchment, which had been crumpled and then flattened out again. I looked at it and I could have sworn my heart stopped beating. It was a letter Ron wrote to me the Christmas before we killed Voldemort and, therefore, the Christmas before Ron proposed to me.

As soon as I opened it I knew what it was, because I had done exactly the same thing, so had Harry, so had Ginny. We never discussed it, but we all caught each other at some point during the brief time we spent together that Christmas Eve and day, huddled over various pieces of parchment trying to get our innermost thoughts down to be left for the ones we loved in case of the worst happening.

When the war ended I destroyed mine, I suppose it wasn't necessary, but I didn't want that type of negativity and the memories of those dreadful times clouding our new life together. Apparently though, Ron had kept his letter to me.

My eyes looked at each word and my heart broke in two again but there was something in those words that made me stand tall and hold my head high. In doing what I was doing, moping around and not talking to anyone about Ron, not even the good times, I was depriving myself and those around me of remembering what a truly wonderful person he was.

I wish I could say from that second on I was different, but I can't. I tried and tried, and sometimes I managed to be the person Ron wanted me to be if anything happened to him, strong, supportive to others and happy for the times we had had. But other times I just wanted to hide away and never see the light of day again.

A week after I found his letter everything changed. I was at work and I collapsed, I came round a few seconds after I hit the floor but my work colleagues were insistent on taking me to St. Mungo's for a check up. It was there, two months after Ron had died that I found out I was carrying his child. The Healer didn't know what to say, she knew about what had happened to Ron, but didn't know anything about me. She was spared any small talk by Ginny hammering on the door, insisting she be told exactly what had happened to me. The Healer had finished her checks and looked at me for some agreement to letting Ginny in the room. I nodded my head a fraction and the next thing I knew Ginny was at my bedside wrapping her arms around me asking what had happened.

After several prompts from Ginny I found my voice.

'I'm…er…I'm pregnant.'

Ginny's mouth fell open and she stared at me.

'You're pregnant? Is it…is it Ron's?

I was so annoyed by the fact that Ginny had thought there might be a chance it was someone else's that I sharply turned my head to her and glared at her. On seeing my reaction she held her hand up in apology.

'I'm sorry, that was a terrible thing to ask, of course it's Ron's.'

I dropped my gaze and stared at nothing in particular. I couldn't take it in; I was going to have a baby, Ron's baby. I thought back to the last night we spent together, the night before he died – but then something must have gone wrong, we hadn't decided we were trying for a baby until the next night. I decided we mustn't have cast the charms properly, that was the only explanation.

I started shaking, I couldn't cope with this, not without Ron, it would have been hard enough with Ron there with me, never mind on my own whilst barely able to look after myself properly.

'Hermione, are you ok about this?'

'I can't do it…Ginny I can't do this on my own, I'm not strong enough, how am I going to look after a child?'

'You _can_ do this Hermione; you will have _so_ much support throughout _everything_. This child will have five uncles, six if you count Harry, it'll have me, it'll have two sets of grandparents, and it'll have you. And when they're older and needs to think about things, he or she'll go outside and look at the stars, and they'll have their dad too. He'll be watching over them with the most protective hand, guiding them on their way.'

'I wish he was here now. I need him and he's not here. He should be standing here with me, this is what he wanted Ginny.'

'And if he could stand here now and tell you something, do you know what he'd say? He tell you to make sure you teach his child how to play Quidditch, and how to break as many rules as possible at school without being caught, and to bring them up supporting the Chudley Cannons and take them to a game once in a while. He'd tell you that you are going to make a brilliant mother, which you will be.'

I fell silent; I wanted to believe what she said, but I wasn't sure if I could.

I was discharged from the hospital that night and even though Ginny wanted to stay with me I had insisted she go home. I also asked her to keep my news to herself, well I said she could tell Harry – she might have gone insane if she couldn't tell anyone – but I wanted to be the person to tell the rest of my family and friends my extremely unexpected news.

I sat on the sofa all night, not wanting or needing to go to sleep. I expected myself to break down and sob all the night through but I didn't. Inside I was screaming and cursing the world for taking my unborn child's father away from him or her, I was crying because I would have to do this on my own, yes I would have support but it wouldn't be the same as having Ron by my side at every difficult decision, or to take it in turns to be the bad guy and tell them they can't go out and play; it would have to be me every time. Although I was torturing myself with all these thoughts you wouldn't have known it to look at me. I looked as calm as anything. Just sat there.

That was how it was from that moment on, that night I made the decision that I _had_ to be strong. It wasn't just about me now, there was a child, mine and Ron's child involved and I had to do everything in my power to protect them and give them as good a life as I could.

Three years later and I look at our son, Joshua Ronald Weasley and see his father in him in everything he does. Ron got one of his wishes, he has my eyes, but I got mine too; he has Weasley Red hair and the odd freckle on his nose. It has yet to be seen whether Ron will get his other wish, and Joshua will turn out to be a bookworm like me, but whatever he turns out like I know Ron would be so proud, as I am.

I still scream inside occasionally, when Joshua's crying, or he's being naughty and won't do what I ask him to – namely the times I could do with another helping hand, that of his father – but I don't show anyone else, especially Joshua.

I talk to him about his dad all the time, I tell him what a good person he was, how he was brave, sensitive and kind, and I keep telling him I'll buy him his first broom as soon as he's old enough to learn to fly.

I kept Ron's cupboard as it was, it was in there that things changed for me and it is in there that I hope Joshua will learn about his father and the person he was.

Last night I was putting Joshua to bed and he said something that made me stop in my tracks.

'Night night my darling, sweet dreams,' I said after kissing his forehead.

'Night mummy,' Joshua replied.

I stood up and walked towards his door and I heard my son speak again.

'Night daddy,' he said waving out the window as he did.

I turned slowly and saw him waving still. He stopped and put his arm back under his quilt and shut his eyes.

Tears burned my eyes but I stayed silent.

That was the seventh way I cried – Unknown to the world.

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